4 Tips for Younger Youth Leaders in Ministering to Parents

Ministry to parents is vital to healthy, fruitful student ministry. I regret how long it took me to embrace that truth in my ministry, not because I did not affirm it but because of how awkward and intimidating ministry to parents seemed. For years I felt ill-equipped and insufficient to encourage and equip parents as someone younger effectively and had yet to parent teenagers myself.

However, as my children became teenagers and entered the student ministry, I experienced an almost instantaneous change. I began to feel like a peer, someone who would be welcome to stand before parents and shepherd them. But in this new season, I have realized that much of the intimidation I felt in the years prior had more to do with my own perceived slights than it did with the tangible response. I regret allowing intimidation to paralyze me rather than leaning into this vital aspect of God’s calling to shepherd students well. Yes, this aspect of ministry is intimidating for younger student ministry leaders. Still, I want to offer a few words of encouragement to those experiencing a similar struggle due to a lack of shared experience and wisdom.

Make sure you stand upon the proper foundation.

In 1 Timothy 4:12 Paul writes to his young son in the faith, “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.” The context surrounding this verse makes it clear that Paul is not just exalting youth, though. He is encouraging a young man in his ministry to stand upon the “words of faith” and the “good doctrine” of the Scriptures, which carries with it the authority of God’s Word.

Here is my encouragement to you. As a younger student ministry leader, parents don’t need you to shepherd them out of experience but according to God’s Word. In keeping with the exhortation of Paul to Timothy, “Command and teach these things” (v. 11) and “devote yourself to the public teaching of Scripture, to exhortation, to teaching” (v. 13). Just because you cannot speak from experience does not mean that you cannot encourage, challenge, equip, and exhort from what God has revealed in his Word, the only true source of authority. Stick to that. And understand that every interaction with parents doesn’t necessarily have to be on parenting. Parents will only embrace their God-given role as they grow more deeply as disciples. Seek to shepherd them as disciples first.

Embrace humility and check your arrogance at the door.

Make sure that parents know that you are aware of your lack of experience. Don’t present yourself as any guru or expert. You’re not, and nor will you be, when you have teenagers, by the way. And please don’t buy the lie that pastoring students is the same as parenting them. It’s not. I have found that if a wall is erected by parents built upon a perceived irrelevance, it can be demolished by humble recognition. Learn to teach, then ask! Here’s what God’s Word says, how do you as parents see this playing out in the actual task of parenting?

“Hey parents, I want us to spend time together in the Scriptures. I want you to know that I love you and I am praying for you. Although I am not in your shoes yet, I want you to know that I am here to encourage you toward what I believe is God’s vision for your relationship with your students. After all, God has called you to be the primary faith influencers of your kids, and indeed you are. My role here is to come beside you in that task, and the best way I know to do that is to point you to what God has revealed through his Word.”

Don’t be afraid to lean on good resources.

I recently asked a younger student pastor dealing with this anxiety why he felt as if the weight of shepherding parents fell on him alone. He had already faced some rejection by his parents when trying to pour into them, and he felt completely defeated. So I asked him if he could think of anyone in his church family who had grown children, is grounded in the gospel, and whom other parents would respect as a trusted voice. His face immediately lit up! “That’s your next conversation,” I told him, “Invite them in and empower them to speak into the lives of those parents.” What a great way to multiply ministry and push others into discipling relationships!

Besides empowering others to minister alongside us, we can point parents to s “proven” voices. For many of my meetings with parents, I have handed out copies of articles written by “experts,” or voices I know will have more clout than mine. After giving everyone sufficient time to read the article we spend the remainder of our time discussing it together, allowing parents to guide the discussion as much as possible. I often love to see the connections and insights parents arrive at on their own during these discussions! There is great freedom in understanding that I cannot be, nor do I have to be, the guru in the room.

Empower parents to minister to one another.

I often share with parents that one of the primary reasons for intentionally meeting together is that I want none of them ever to feel as if they are in this alone. I want them to know that they are filled with the Spirit of God and have the gift of the church. I decided some time ago that occasionally I will remove myself from parent meetings altogether. During these meetings, I create discussion cards containing introspective questions for parents to explore together. I place those cards on tables and provide instructions for parents to feel free to use those discussion cards or take the time to enjoy each other’s company. I challenge them to pray for one another before they leave.

I want parents to embrace opportunities to minister to each other. I want to facilitate opportunities for them to share each other’s burdens and joys as they walk the difficult parenting path together. I am more convinced than ever that this should be one of my greatest ministry goals to parents. The more they come to press into each other, the more intentionally they will press each other into Christ, and the more they will point their children’s hearts toward him as well. The best part about this aspect of ministry to parents is that you don’t have to have shared experience or an abundance of wisdom to do it.

I know that ministry to parents can be intimidating. I know it can be frustrating. But don’t allow any of that to cause you to check out of this crucial aspect of student ministry. I hope these thoughts will encourage you, but I also urge you to spend much time in prayer and in collaboration with others as you seek ways to shepherd the hearts of parents in your church.