In Hindsight: 5 Mistakes I Made When Starting Youth Ministry

I became a youth pastor at eighteen-years-old—something I would not recommend. Needless to say, I had no idea what I was doing. If it seemed like fun, we did it. If it seemed like something I would enjoy, we did it.

I read every book I could find on youth ministry and looked for anyone further down the road to help me figure out what I would do. In truth, while deep down I knew I didn’t know what I was doing, I was filled with my now youthful arrogance and would never have admitted it.

There were massive blind spots that I missed in my early days. My guess is I’m not alone. I’m not sure what yours are, but the following are the five mistakes I made most when starting in youth ministry.

I Was Too Impatient

When I started youth ministry 24 years ago, I was a bull in a China shop. Everything was urgent. I couldn’t understand why anything in ministry needed to wait. I ran ahead on everything, and if things weren’t happening fast enough, I was frustrated and would often make it known.

I walked fast everywhere I went, rarely took time to see those I was walking past, and in doing so, failed to build important relationships and was perceived as unapproachable and “too busy” for anyone.

Now I realize that very few things are as urgent as they feel. Most things that are of value take time. Almost anything done well will take planning, patience, and leadership pace to ensure we do it well.

Early on, my impatience may have gotten things done faster sometimes, but in rushing ahead, I sacrificed the effectiveness and quality of what I was trying to achieve. Few things are as urgent as they seem. If we are always running or leading impatiently, then when the real urgent things come, we won’t be able to respond to them.

I Made It All About Me

In my younger days, I knew how I wanted things done, and I felt I was the only one who could do it right. If I’m honest, I also wanted to be seen. I craved the attention and affirmation that came from being upfront.

My trust issues with others and my arrogance knew no bounds. Confidence was never something I lacked.

I’d often justify it by saying, “I’m just so burdened for these kids I want to make sure they get the best.” In my mind, it was all for the students. In reality, though, it was all for me.

Making it about me kept volunteers from stepping up. It also meant that when I wasn’t there, nothing could happen. EVERYTHING DIED when I left the church because I wasn’t there to be the center of it all.

The obvious mistake here is that it can’t be all about me and all about Jesus at the same time.

My friends, we are guilty of this one in youth ministry more than we will admit. Taking a gut check on this one would be worth your time.

If you’re unsure if you struggle with this one, attempt to give away the stage for a month. If you struggle not to be upfront…well, you’ll have your answer.

I Alienated Parents

I probably wouldn’t have said it out loud in those early days, but I often saw parents as the problem. Aside from needing my parents to drive the rental van because I was too young, I had little use for my parents and made little effort to include them.

These days I’m parenting my teenagers. Over the years, I’ve realized that parents are more important than I am in the students’ life in my youth ministry (see previous point). They will be the parent of the student their whole life, while I’ll only be their youth pastor for a few short years.

I wish I had realized in those early days what a blessing parents could be for my ministry. I wish I had realized how many parents feel like failures and long for encouragement. If I had known what kind of allies parents could be in my ministry, things would have looked much different in those early years, and I would have been much more effective.

I’m so thankful for having so many parents involved in our ministry. Seeing so many parents and students serving together is an incredible blessing. I only wish I had realized it when I was much younger.

I Misunderstood Volunteers

In my early days of youth ministry, when I sought volunteers, I had in mind a certain type of person I wanted in my ministry. I wanted young, fun, outgoing, relational volunteers who could relate to and keep up with the teenagers in my ministry. And to be fair, I still want some of those in my ministry.

Along the way, I have realized that I need more than young, fun, outgoing volunteers. I also need people who have lived life. I need volunteers who have the wisdom that life brings. This is something I talk about often to younger youth pastors and something I often mention on The Longer Haul Youth Ministry Podcast.

Volunteers like these may not know every new song or artist. These volunteers may not have TikTok and may know little of current culture.

But they love teenagers. They show up for students when most don’t. They keep running toward this generation that most are running from. They serve as mentors and caring adults for many who lack that in their lives otherwise. Volunteers like these are parents and grandparents. These volunteers are a gift.

Early in ministry, I would have never considered recruiting these volunteers. I was young myself. After all, who could relate to teenagers better than someone who had just been a teenager?

Now there is no “type” of leader we want except that they love Jesus, the church, and teenagers. If you were to walk through our student ministry, you’d see all types and ages of volunteers pouring into teenagers. You’d also see teenagers who feel loved, seen, challenged, mentored, and encouraged. I’m not sure that happened as much in those early days.

I Envied Other Ministries

It’s a danger we all face. I’m not sure if it was my ego or just my insecurity. Still, early in ministry especially, I spent more time looking around at others, envious of what they seemed to be doing and have, than worrying about what was in front of me.

I’ve realized over the years that I don’t have time to worry about what others are doing and what they have. I’ve never compared my ministry to someone else’s and won. I always lose that comparison trap.

I’ve also realized there’s always more to the story under the surface than I can see from the outside. We are acutely aware of our issues and shortcomings, but for some reason, we ignore the reality of those existing in other ministries.

I’ve learned that regardless of the context and scale of your ministry, there is always someone bigger and seemingly more resourced and effective.

The comparison game never stops, and you’ll never win when playing it. Envying other ministries will only rob you of your joy and contentment.

Remember this: God has placed you where you are now. He has placed you there for a purpose and given you what you need to accomplish it. Longing to be elsewhere undermines God’s calling on you at this moment.

So, what about you? What lessons are you learning?

If you’ve been in this thing for a while, what mistakes did you make early on? Are you falling victim to some of these mentioned here?